Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
