Quick, to the slutcave!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
