He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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