I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
