He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize