I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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