After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
