the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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