You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize