is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
