wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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