I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize