i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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