What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
