So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
