Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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