I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
