Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
