Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
