How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
