all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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