I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
