you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
