He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
