I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize