and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
