I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
