my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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