I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
