I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
