We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
