Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
