one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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