her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
