no. you can't hotbox the world.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
