So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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