Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
