she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
