i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is Oprah even human
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
