At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
