apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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