The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
