I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
