I'm going to jail i love you
It's Friday. Sex?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
