I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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