Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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