I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
