so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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