he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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