so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
