I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
