Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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