Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
