I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wanna go halves on a baby?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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