i love accidental penises.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
