Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
