So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
