How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
