Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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