ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I smell like Dick and happiness
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