I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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