Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
