dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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