hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
