There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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