forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Panties = found
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
