dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
