The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
