I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
