pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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