We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
