I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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