I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
