If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize