I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize