um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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