Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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