she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
